I have remained quiet for a few days to sit and ponder on my thoughts and yours. Surprisingly not one of these "debates" Ive been involved in has ended negatively. I am beginning to see that these types of life and religion discussions can only bring us closer together. There is so much common ground that we all share. That common ground is the platform we need to use to build on.
Each comment I have received on here and on Facebook I have taken to heart and I respect them all. There is no single way to view anything. It is amazing to see that when you really start talking to the "hardcore" people and start breaking down their layers there are so many similarities. I hope the people that continue to read my posts will all change in some way. It doesn't have to be anything huge. The smallest changes can sometimes make the biggest differences.
Gandhi once said "Be the change you want to see in the world"
And that's what I am doing.
Thank you all for your positive comments.
I was surprised from the lack of hate mail.
Even when there were disagreements everyone remained respectful.
It just proves that deep down we all want the same thing and we are all on the same quest.
It is your journey. Make it a good one.
I will be back tomorrow with a good one :)
I love and respect you all!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Youre not going to like this...
*WARNING: I AM VERY BLUNT. SOME MIGHT GET OFFENDED*
Just remember...These are my views. Not yours. Opinions are always welcome. Say what you like. And if you dont like what I say then you can choose to do away with me and I will be completely fine with it.
Well...how long are these blog things alowed to be?
There is so much that bothers me its not even funny. I have had so much drama and negativity in my life. Most people would have pulled the trigger by now.
Some has been brought on by actions I have caused.
Most has been graciously handed to me by those I let myself get close to.
I HATE drama.
I am begining to see though that I have caused alot of this pain and suffering I've been thru on myself.
I beacame EVERYTHING I never wanted to be.
I conformed to peoples ways just to gain approval. To feel accepted. To feel loved.
But in doing that I denied the person that ment the most, ME!
When I was growing up I was forced to go to church. And I loathed every second of it.
I was around 8 when I started realizing that everyone in there was hiding from something. I could see it in there fake smiles and fake hellos. I could feel the tension in that building. The tension of surpressed people.
We would all stand when we were told to stand.
Sit when told to sit.
Pray when we were told to pray.
I felt controled.
At 8 years old I knew that I would never put my children thru that.
I knew that I was going to be different and not conform to anyone.
I knew then that there was more then one way.
But I was 8 so I had no choice.
I can remember being pulled off my mattress because I did not want to go.
Church scared me. The fact of someone telling me how to live my life was overwhelming. So I protested as much as I could.
I can remember the preacher talking crap about the church down the street. I went to a church called Unity Baptist. Unity Baptist was so sure that Paulding Baptist was a cult. And that the only "real" way to God was the way our Preacher taught.
I used to sit and listen to him and wonder "if we believe in the same God why are they wrong?"
I hated evey second of it. But again I was 8 and it was out of my hands on weather or not I went. And so I went.
We went to church for several years. And I could see thru everyone. And it hurt me to see people hide themselves. Why would you ever want to hide who you really are?
So I vowed to myself I never would.
And I held true to that for years.
My Dad and Mom divorced and my Dad started to explore new options. He started taking us to Catholic Church. And during that time I guess he got sick of hiding and he told me he was gay when I was 13. So when that was revealed to me I knew that all my feelings towards church people were true. That the majority, not all, were hiding from themselves just to gain approval from people.
It was very hard for me to be a 13 year old and hear that from my Dad but it just made me stand by what I believed even more.
He was judged and ridiculed because he was just being himself.
Why is it so hard for us to be ourselves?
At 13 I became very aware of who I was. I made it a point to say what I wanted and believe what I wanted. And if you didnt accept me as me my attitude was "GO FUCK YOURSELF!"
All of middle and highschool I expressed that. I did get into alot of scuffles with people about what I believed. I did spend a good bit of time in ISS for it.
I also didnt have many friends because of it. People have told me now that they didnt want to know me then because I was to mysterious or to much to handle. And I didnt care because I was being me. I loved who I was and loved what I believed.
I believed that there was only one God. A loving God. A God who loves all of his creation no matter what you were or who you were. A God who accepted you for you. And that Christians never accept anyone until they "convert" them. If you dont believe what they believe then your going to hell and thats it.
And I still believe that.
But have been holding it in for to long.
But I did what I said I would never do....I conformed. I became everything I was so against.
Thats what bothers me the most about myself.
It started when I married. I had just gotten over some issues and met someone who made me feel better then the issues did. And she knew that and used that to slowly gain control. I became obsessed with her. Dumped my whole life to be with her. Co-dependent isnt even close. It was worse then that.
I slowly over time became her toy to mold and I let her do it. I completely forgot about me. I supressed myself because of someone and what they believed. I forgot who I was as a person. When we split up for the first time in late 2007 to late 2008 I felt lost because I didnt have her to tell me how to act and how to be. So I wanted something to hold onto. Something that could make me feel good. So I did what everyone else did.
I went to church.
At first I did enjoy it. I took it in hardcore. Studied the hell out of it on a level most never do. And during that time I started seeing God in a new light. A way I had never looked at him before. A way Christians dont see God.
I always felt uncomfortable in church settings and study groups. But I forced myself to do it. If I didnt do things the way they said I could feel them lookimg down on me.
And I began letting them dictate my life. Began letting the church decide my life for me. I left a controling marriage and replaced it with a contriling belief system. During this time I was told many times to go back to my wife. I never wanted to because I knew how bad my marriage had been. But I didnt want to look bad. I wanted approval. I wanted to look good to everyone I met. So I got back with my wife. We changed churches and became the ideal church family.
Church every Sunday. Bible study at the pastors house every Wednesday. We even went to church camp. We were the ideal church family.
At church.
Home was a different story.
As I stated eariler I was not comfortable in church while we were seperated. And while we were going together I was even more uncomfortable. She tried to be less controling of me and I tried to be more loving to her. But when two people arent supposed to be together they are not supposed to be together. Home life sucked. We were the hypocrites. Everything was different Monday thru Saturday.
But you can not supress a persons true spirit forever. It all comes out eventualy.
We both knew we were only putting on a show for approval. For other people. Not for us.
So as you can see it didnt work.
All the people and "friends" I met stopped talking to me. They all look down on me now because I divorced my wife. Ive had my friend count on Facebook plumit because I just wanted to be me again.
I became everything I never wanted to be. I completly conformed to others ideas and beliefs to make myself look good. I completly forgot about myself.
I was a true hypocrite.
Just like so many others.
I let man dictate my life.
I let man decide how I believed in God.
I lost myself.
People always complain about Christians getting a bad rap and want to know why.
Well look around.
Look at how many divorces there are in the church.
Look at how the majority of Christians treat people.
Look at how they force their beliefs on people.
Look at how many hypocrites come out from churchs.
I thought that I was loved in the church but I realized that when you dont play by their rules they will drop you like a bad habit.
You dont need a church or a book to be loved by God.
You just need to love God.
And love people for what they are not what you think they should be.
Religion does not define a person. Religion is a mask to hide a person.
Be yourself. Dont hide because you are not comfortable with yourself.
God loves you for who you are. Not because of what church you go to or what version of the bible you read.
God created man. Man created religion. Religion destroyed God.
Seek God on your own.
God knows who you really are.
If your life is perfect because of church. And you feel that it works for you and you are 100% comfortable with it then dont change a thing. But also dont force it down people either. What works for you might not work for someone else.
We have aright to believe anything we want. And If what you believe makes you happy I am happy for you.
But if you are doing it seeking acceptace from others all youre doing is hurting yourself. Your true self always comes out. You cant supress it forever.
Just remember...These are my views. Not yours. Opinions are always welcome. Say what you like. And if you dont like what I say then you can choose to do away with me and I will be completely fine with it.
Well...how long are these blog things alowed to be?
There is so much that bothers me its not even funny. I have had so much drama and negativity in my life. Most people would have pulled the trigger by now.
Some has been brought on by actions I have caused.
Most has been graciously handed to me by those I let myself get close to.
I HATE drama.
I am begining to see though that I have caused alot of this pain and suffering I've been thru on myself.
I beacame EVERYTHING I never wanted to be.
I conformed to peoples ways just to gain approval. To feel accepted. To feel loved.
But in doing that I denied the person that ment the most, ME!
When I was growing up I was forced to go to church. And I loathed every second of it.
I was around 8 when I started realizing that everyone in there was hiding from something. I could see it in there fake smiles and fake hellos. I could feel the tension in that building. The tension of surpressed people.
We would all stand when we were told to stand.
Sit when told to sit.
Pray when we were told to pray.
I felt controled.
At 8 years old I knew that I would never put my children thru that.
I knew that I was going to be different and not conform to anyone.
I knew then that there was more then one way.
But I was 8 so I had no choice.
I can remember being pulled off my mattress because I did not want to go.
Church scared me. The fact of someone telling me how to live my life was overwhelming. So I protested as much as I could.
I can remember the preacher talking crap about the church down the street. I went to a church called Unity Baptist. Unity Baptist was so sure that Paulding Baptist was a cult. And that the only "real" way to God was the way our Preacher taught.
I used to sit and listen to him and wonder "if we believe in the same God why are they wrong?"
I hated evey second of it. But again I was 8 and it was out of my hands on weather or not I went. And so I went.
We went to church for several years. And I could see thru everyone. And it hurt me to see people hide themselves. Why would you ever want to hide who you really are?
So I vowed to myself I never would.
And I held true to that for years.
My Dad and Mom divorced and my Dad started to explore new options. He started taking us to Catholic Church. And during that time I guess he got sick of hiding and he told me he was gay when I was 13. So when that was revealed to me I knew that all my feelings towards church people were true. That the majority, not all, were hiding from themselves just to gain approval from people.
It was very hard for me to be a 13 year old and hear that from my Dad but it just made me stand by what I believed even more.
He was judged and ridiculed because he was just being himself.
Why is it so hard for us to be ourselves?
At 13 I became very aware of who I was. I made it a point to say what I wanted and believe what I wanted. And if you didnt accept me as me my attitude was "GO FUCK YOURSELF!"
All of middle and highschool I expressed that. I did get into alot of scuffles with people about what I believed. I did spend a good bit of time in ISS for it.
I also didnt have many friends because of it. People have told me now that they didnt want to know me then because I was to mysterious or to much to handle. And I didnt care because I was being me. I loved who I was and loved what I believed.
I believed that there was only one God. A loving God. A God who loves all of his creation no matter what you were or who you were. A God who accepted you for you. And that Christians never accept anyone until they "convert" them. If you dont believe what they believe then your going to hell and thats it.
And I still believe that.
But have been holding it in for to long.
But I did what I said I would never do....I conformed. I became everything I was so against.
Thats what bothers me the most about myself.
It started when I married. I had just gotten over some issues and met someone who made me feel better then the issues did. And she knew that and used that to slowly gain control. I became obsessed with her. Dumped my whole life to be with her. Co-dependent isnt even close. It was worse then that.
I slowly over time became her toy to mold and I let her do it. I completely forgot about me. I supressed myself because of someone and what they believed. I forgot who I was as a person. When we split up for the first time in late 2007 to late 2008 I felt lost because I didnt have her to tell me how to act and how to be. So I wanted something to hold onto. Something that could make me feel good. So I did what everyone else did.
I went to church.
At first I did enjoy it. I took it in hardcore. Studied the hell out of it on a level most never do. And during that time I started seeing God in a new light. A way I had never looked at him before. A way Christians dont see God.
I always felt uncomfortable in church settings and study groups. But I forced myself to do it. If I didnt do things the way they said I could feel them lookimg down on me.
And I began letting them dictate my life. Began letting the church decide my life for me. I left a controling marriage and replaced it with a contriling belief system. During this time I was told many times to go back to my wife. I never wanted to because I knew how bad my marriage had been. But I didnt want to look bad. I wanted approval. I wanted to look good to everyone I met. So I got back with my wife. We changed churches and became the ideal church family.
Church every Sunday. Bible study at the pastors house every Wednesday. We even went to church camp. We were the ideal church family.
At church.
Home was a different story.
As I stated eariler I was not comfortable in church while we were seperated. And while we were going together I was even more uncomfortable. She tried to be less controling of me and I tried to be more loving to her. But when two people arent supposed to be together they are not supposed to be together. Home life sucked. We were the hypocrites. Everything was different Monday thru Saturday.
But you can not supress a persons true spirit forever. It all comes out eventualy.
We both knew we were only putting on a show for approval. For other people. Not for us.
So as you can see it didnt work.
All the people and "friends" I met stopped talking to me. They all look down on me now because I divorced my wife. Ive had my friend count on Facebook plumit because I just wanted to be me again.
I became everything I never wanted to be. I completly conformed to others ideas and beliefs to make myself look good. I completly forgot about myself.
I was a true hypocrite.
Just like so many others.
I let man dictate my life.
I let man decide how I believed in God.
I lost myself.
People always complain about Christians getting a bad rap and want to know why.
Well look around.
Look at how many divorces there are in the church.
Look at how the majority of Christians treat people.
Look at how they force their beliefs on people.
Look at how many hypocrites come out from churchs.
I thought that I was loved in the church but I realized that when you dont play by their rules they will drop you like a bad habit.
You dont need a church or a book to be loved by God.
You just need to love God.
And love people for what they are not what you think they should be.
Religion does not define a person. Religion is a mask to hide a person.
Be yourself. Dont hide because you are not comfortable with yourself.
God loves you for who you are. Not because of what church you go to or what version of the bible you read.
God created man. Man created religion. Religion destroyed God.
Seek God on your own.
God knows who you really are.
If your life is perfect because of church. And you feel that it works for you and you are 100% comfortable with it then dont change a thing. But also dont force it down people either. What works for you might not work for someone else.
We have aright to believe anything we want. And If what you believe makes you happy I am happy for you.
But if you are doing it seeking acceptace from others all youre doing is hurting yourself. Your true self always comes out. You cant supress it forever.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Sounds like somebodys got a case of the Mondays
Mondays.
The most unpredictable and unreliable day of the week.
The only predictable thing about a Monday is how we refer to it, "Its a Monday."
They are either OK and tolerable.
Or they absolutely SUCK.
And in my line of work 85% of Mondays SUCK.
Why is that? What is so bad about Mondays.? Why do we let one day have such control of our week?
Today was no different. I had so many roadblocks today. Most of my roadblocks today were people. I DID NOT want to deal with anyone. It was as if someone had hit a stupid button somewhere and everyone went blank. Granted the area I work always gets on my nerves but today was a special day. I almost ran over 2 pedestrians on Highway 9 as they were attempting to play a human form of Frogger in 4 o'clock traffic.
People just seemed spaced out and in a huge rush but were not getting any closer to what they were seeking.
But looking back on today I see it as a test for me. I've been writing alot about how I long to love and respect people more. To take others into consideration for a change. To not sweat the small stuff. To ultimately enjoy life no matter the situation.And today, Monday, I feel I passed my test. I wish I could say that I didn't get angry or have any kind of negative emotion but I'd be full of it. I did however take control over how I exerted it and how I let it control me.
For me to say I will get to a point in my life to where I will never get angry or I will never have any type of negative thought is ludicrous. There are certain traits I have that make me who I am and how I react. I am by nature a very blunt person. I will tell you how exactly how I feel about things without thinking about it. If you are being a dumb ass and its obvious, I feel you should be aware of that. It doesn't mean I disrespect you. I think it means I like you more so I feel you should be aware of things. And I will still be that kind of person. That will not change. No matter how hard I try to suppress it. Its me.
But I will control the unnecessary anger and bitterness.
It is imposable in our society to not have these types of feelings. We have become so set on having everything done in and on our time. We have become such a fast moving, demanding world. We don't want things now. We want them RIGHT NOW! We are so fast paced. So overstimulated. Everyone has 1000 things going on all the time. I have 2 cell phones, 3 email accounts and about 200 customers to deal with a month. So I totally get it.
A hundred years ago if you wanted to know and learn something you had to seek the answers. Actually look for them. In 2010 if we want to know something we Google it. And instantly it is there. Everything we want to know can be obtained in a matter of moments. I feel that because we have access to almost anything at the push of a button we have lost our respect and patience for life.
Everything is a burden to us. We let everything and everyone hinder our happiness.
People are killed over parking spaces. Over a damn parking space 35 feet closer to the door of Wal-Mart. People have lost touch with people because of our fast paced lifestyle.
My point is we need to just slow down a notch or two. Savor the moment. I know that we can have anything RIGHT NOW! And that everything is SO important right at that very moment. But is it worth getting bent all out of shape for? Is the 35 feet closer to the Wal-Mart doors, the doors that open for us, that important. We don't even have to open doors most of the time. WOW!
Why are we in such a rush to do life?
Unnecessary anger is stupid. I can understand anger from certain things but if you're going to have those feelings control them.
And today I feel I did. I feel I made a huge improvement today.
It was "A Monday."
A typical crappy Monday where just a week ago I would have ripped some head off for some of the crap I saw today. A week ago I would have backed up to hit the Frogger people on Highway 9.
Yeah it was annoying. And yeah I think they are idiots still.
But I resisted the urge to let it ruin my day.
And it didn't.
And I am proud of myself. Its hard but I passed the test for today. And I will continue to take it back a notch or two. And I ask you to do the same thing.
The world is only as crazy and as hectic as we make it.
We cant control others but when we can learn to control ourselves others will begin to also.
The most unpredictable and unreliable day of the week.
The only predictable thing about a Monday is how we refer to it, "Its a Monday."
They are either OK and tolerable.
Or they absolutely SUCK.
And in my line of work 85% of Mondays SUCK.
Why is that? What is so bad about Mondays.? Why do we let one day have such control of our week?
Today was no different. I had so many roadblocks today. Most of my roadblocks today were people. I DID NOT want to deal with anyone. It was as if someone had hit a stupid button somewhere and everyone went blank. Granted the area I work always gets on my nerves but today was a special day. I almost ran over 2 pedestrians on Highway 9 as they were attempting to play a human form of Frogger in 4 o'clock traffic.
People just seemed spaced out and in a huge rush but were not getting any closer to what they were seeking.
But looking back on today I see it as a test for me. I've been writing alot about how I long to love and respect people more. To take others into consideration for a change. To not sweat the small stuff. To ultimately enjoy life no matter the situation.And today, Monday, I feel I passed my test. I wish I could say that I didn't get angry or have any kind of negative emotion but I'd be full of it. I did however take control over how I exerted it and how I let it control me.
For me to say I will get to a point in my life to where I will never get angry or I will never have any type of negative thought is ludicrous. There are certain traits I have that make me who I am and how I react. I am by nature a very blunt person. I will tell you how exactly how I feel about things without thinking about it. If you are being a dumb ass and its obvious, I feel you should be aware of that. It doesn't mean I disrespect you. I think it means I like you more so I feel you should be aware of things. And I will still be that kind of person. That will not change. No matter how hard I try to suppress it. Its me.
But I will control the unnecessary anger and bitterness.
It is imposable in our society to not have these types of feelings. We have become so set on having everything done in and on our time. We have become such a fast moving, demanding world. We don't want things now. We want them RIGHT NOW! We are so fast paced. So overstimulated. Everyone has 1000 things going on all the time. I have 2 cell phones, 3 email accounts and about 200 customers to deal with a month. So I totally get it.
A hundred years ago if you wanted to know and learn something you had to seek the answers. Actually look for them. In 2010 if we want to know something we Google it. And instantly it is there. Everything we want to know can be obtained in a matter of moments. I feel that because we have access to almost anything at the push of a button we have lost our respect and patience for life.
Everything is a burden to us. We let everything and everyone hinder our happiness.
People are killed over parking spaces. Over a damn parking space 35 feet closer to the door of Wal-Mart. People have lost touch with people because of our fast paced lifestyle.
My point is we need to just slow down a notch or two. Savor the moment. I know that we can have anything RIGHT NOW! And that everything is SO important right at that very moment. But is it worth getting bent all out of shape for? Is the 35 feet closer to the Wal-Mart doors, the doors that open for us, that important. We don't even have to open doors most of the time. WOW!
Why are we in such a rush to do life?
Unnecessary anger is stupid. I can understand anger from certain things but if you're going to have those feelings control them.
And today I feel I did. I feel I made a huge improvement today.
It was "A Monday."
A typical crappy Monday where just a week ago I would have ripped some head off for some of the crap I saw today. A week ago I would have backed up to hit the Frogger people on Highway 9.
Yeah it was annoying. And yeah I think they are idiots still.
But I resisted the urge to let it ruin my day.
And it didn't.
And I am proud of myself. Its hard but I passed the test for today. And I will continue to take it back a notch or two. And I ask you to do the same thing.
The world is only as crazy and as hectic as we make it.
We cant control others but when we can learn to control ourselves others will begin to also.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
What matters most to me?
Obvious answer is my kids. They are the only thing that seems to keep me going. My kids show me complete and unconditional love. I am begining to see that I can learn more from my children then I can from any book or any person. As they are running around the playground, at this very moment, I am learning that the only thing that matters to them is "the moment". Children do not care what others think. Children do not worry about what tomorrow brings. They only worry about now. Every minute is a new adventure to them.
So why can't adults be more "like" children? Yes, we do have responsibilities and adult things we must do in order to survive and function in this world. Yet we also need to step back and breathe. Take in every moment. Every second. My children are my insperation for this journey. Children take their time and use every bit of it. We on the other hand waste our time, our lives, on meaningless things. We don't use our moments wisely. We dwell on things to come. Stress over elements we can not control. We even stress about others stress.
There is no promised time. I am writing now but at any second my time could be up. Just like that. Gone.
I want to learn to savor every moment. Both the good and the bad. I want to take the time to breathe. To listen to myself. To hear my own heartbeat. To just slow it down.
I want to learn to love unconditionaly as children do. Make every moment in life matter as children do.
I believe that we tend to put the things that dont matter above the things that do matter. Does it really matter if some one has a negative opinion about you? Does it really matter if someone cuts you off on the road? The list can go on and on.
I have made such a fuss about random, stupid moments in my life. Moments that don't matter. Moments I will never get back.
Last week someone had passed me in a turning lane at a red light. I put so much anger into that one small moment. I let that moment kill the remainder of my day. Was it worth it? Not at all. It DID NOT matter. But I made it matter.
We seem to take moments like that and grasp them and let them control us. We should take those moments as just that, "those moments". Those moments are building blocks.We just dont see them as that. If you view your bad moments as something to learn from and grow from you will have made that time matter. Time can not be replaced. Time should not be wasted with anger and hatred. I should have focused the anger I felt towards that driver in a different direction. His passing me did not affect anything. I still got to where I was going. I still did what I was out to do. But I made it affect my whole day. I wasted a whole day on meaningless anger.
I have always had a problem with loving people like I should. I tend to not respect people and make quick judgements about people I don't even know. The moment I was passed at that red light I hated that person. A deep hate. I felt disrespected. Taken advantage of.
The following day I had my awakening. I realized that I am selfish. Prideful. I realized I needed a change. I thought about the man who passed me. Maybe he had to get to somewhere or to someone or something that MATTERED to him. I realizied that it is no longer about me.
We can not avoid anger or negative feelings and thoughts. But we can control them. When we feel them coming on we need to evaluate them. Make sure they are worth that time. That moment of your life that you cant get back. We need to make sure it really matters.
It may sound silly and irrational but I am going to start viewing my life as I feel the way children view theirs..."I am in this moment. I am going to use every bit of this moment. When this moment is gone I will move on to the next."
Children are resilient. I can see that thru my divorce. Us adults can be too. Although it is alot more challenging it can still be achieved.
I am going to begin to evaluate my emotions before they take control.
I am going to start loving with out conditions.
I am going to view every moment as a learning point. Both good and bad.
I am going to make my life MATTER.
I will never find happiness if I don't take in everything and savor every moment. I will take now, now. And I will take later when it comes. I am teaching myself not to worry or stress because those feelings do no good. I will be more accepting of others and their emotions and beliefs.
My kids are what matters most to me. And this weekend they have taught me so much. Everything I have wrote I learned from observing and talking with my children. They have shown me a new way to feel. A new way to take all my moments and utilize them for good. They opened my eyes to a new way of thinking.
They make my life MATTER! Something I have never felt before. When we can truley learn to love ourselves and others for who they are and not what they believe, then that means everything and everyone matters. It is time we re-evaluate how we make it matter.
All the events of our life mold us into who we are at this very moment. The good and the bad. It is possible to make all moments good regardless of how bad it may be. If we just open our hearts and minds and stop being so closed off we can reach happiness despite what life throws at us. We are in control of our emotions and we need to realize that they are not in control of you.
You decide your life.
You dictate how it folds out.
You are in control of making every moment in your life matter for the good.
I am done with negativity.
It is time to savor and embrace every single moment.
Because once this moment is gone.....It doesn't come back.
Do not pursue the past.
Do not lose yourself in the future.
The past no longer is.
The future has not yet come.
Look deeply at life and how it is NOW.
Be diligent today, to wait until tomorrow is to late.
Death comes unexpectedly.
So why can't adults be more "like" children? Yes, we do have responsibilities and adult things we must do in order to survive and function in this world. Yet we also need to step back and breathe. Take in every moment. Every second. My children are my insperation for this journey. Children take their time and use every bit of it. We on the other hand waste our time, our lives, on meaningless things. We don't use our moments wisely. We dwell on things to come. Stress over elements we can not control. We even stress about others stress.
There is no promised time. I am writing now but at any second my time could be up. Just like that. Gone.
I want to learn to savor every moment. Both the good and the bad. I want to take the time to breathe. To listen to myself. To hear my own heartbeat. To just slow it down.
I want to learn to love unconditionaly as children do. Make every moment in life matter as children do.
I believe that we tend to put the things that dont matter above the things that do matter. Does it really matter if some one has a negative opinion about you? Does it really matter if someone cuts you off on the road? The list can go on and on.
I have made such a fuss about random, stupid moments in my life. Moments that don't matter. Moments I will never get back.
Last week someone had passed me in a turning lane at a red light. I put so much anger into that one small moment. I let that moment kill the remainder of my day. Was it worth it? Not at all. It DID NOT matter. But I made it matter.
We seem to take moments like that and grasp them and let them control us. We should take those moments as just that, "those moments". Those moments are building blocks.We just dont see them as that. If you view your bad moments as something to learn from and grow from you will have made that time matter. Time can not be replaced. Time should not be wasted with anger and hatred. I should have focused the anger I felt towards that driver in a different direction. His passing me did not affect anything. I still got to where I was going. I still did what I was out to do. But I made it affect my whole day. I wasted a whole day on meaningless anger.
I have always had a problem with loving people like I should. I tend to not respect people and make quick judgements about people I don't even know. The moment I was passed at that red light I hated that person. A deep hate. I felt disrespected. Taken advantage of.
The following day I had my awakening. I realized that I am selfish. Prideful. I realized I needed a change. I thought about the man who passed me. Maybe he had to get to somewhere or to someone or something that MATTERED to him. I realizied that it is no longer about me.
We can not avoid anger or negative feelings and thoughts. But we can control them. When we feel them coming on we need to evaluate them. Make sure they are worth that time. That moment of your life that you cant get back. We need to make sure it really matters.
It may sound silly and irrational but I am going to start viewing my life as I feel the way children view theirs..."I am in this moment. I am going to use every bit of this moment. When this moment is gone I will move on to the next."
Children are resilient. I can see that thru my divorce. Us adults can be too. Although it is alot more challenging it can still be achieved.
I am going to begin to evaluate my emotions before they take control.
I am going to start loving with out conditions.
I am going to view every moment as a learning point. Both good and bad.
I am going to make my life MATTER.
I will never find happiness if I don't take in everything and savor every moment. I will take now, now. And I will take later when it comes. I am teaching myself not to worry or stress because those feelings do no good. I will be more accepting of others and their emotions and beliefs.
My kids are what matters most to me. And this weekend they have taught me so much. Everything I have wrote I learned from observing and talking with my children. They have shown me a new way to feel. A new way to take all my moments and utilize them for good. They opened my eyes to a new way of thinking.
They make my life MATTER! Something I have never felt before. When we can truley learn to love ourselves and others for who they are and not what they believe, then that means everything and everyone matters. It is time we re-evaluate how we make it matter.
All the events of our life mold us into who we are at this very moment. The good and the bad. It is possible to make all moments good regardless of how bad it may be. If we just open our hearts and minds and stop being so closed off we can reach happiness despite what life throws at us. We are in control of our emotions and we need to realize that they are not in control of you.
You decide your life.
You dictate how it folds out.
You are in control of making every moment in your life matter for the good.
I am done with negativity.
It is time to savor and embrace every single moment.
Because once this moment is gone.....It doesn't come back.
Do not pursue the past.
Do not lose yourself in the future.
The past no longer is.
The future has not yet come.
Look deeply at life and how it is NOW.
Be diligent today, to wait until tomorrow is to late.
Death comes unexpectedly.
Ten things you should know about yourself
I posted these questions on Facebook and I am going to share my answers with you. Im going to answer a question a day. Here's the questions:
- What matters most to me?
- What bothers me the most (about myself, others, or the world)?
- Who enriches my life experience?
- Who makes my life more difficult then it needs to be?
- What do I believe beyond the shadow of a doubt?
- What conditions make me happy?
- What conditions make me miserable?
- Is there something or someone I can't live without?
- Is everything that is in my life necessary, and adding value?
- Am I making progress towards a goal of my choosing?
Answer to number 1 comes tomorrow. I'm looking forward to this blogging thing. For now. Nothings permenant. It will serve its purpose for the right amount time I need it.
WOW! I'm blogging?
I wasn't sure when I was going to begin this blog. And honestly I never cared to share my life with people. My life has had many highs and many lows. Each one has molded me into who I am today. I, like most, have longed for a rewind button or a pause button. Who wouldnt want to go back and do it different or freeze life on a specific moment. But we cant. And I now realize that I wouldn't want to. Everything I have. Everything I am. Everything I've learned or witnessed makes me who I am. I feel we take the good moments and grasp on to them and strive to feel those feelings again. We then do away with bad memories and hide them. What we need to do is take all points in life the same. Treat them as a learning tool. Use the good to reduce the bad. The bad to elevate the good. Take all your days as they come. Learn from yesterday. You cant predict tomorrow but you can be prepared for what life throws at you. Its all a state of mind. You are in control of your emotions. If you go into everyday with and open mind and open heart bad days will be eaiser and good days will be better. So this is a look into my journey. I am an open book. I will share my days and experiences with you as I search for my place, as I seek God. I welcome imput. I embrace it. Remember though...NO HATE. NO BASHING. All views are different. We will not always agree. But there is alot of common ground we all have. We need to take that common ground and expand upon it. I look forward to life and what I can learn from every point in it. I look forward to your comments. I look forward to learning new ways and ideas. I'm just a man on a journey. And I want to share it.
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