What matters most to me?

Obvious answer is my kids. They are the only thing that seems to keep me going. My kids show me complete and unconditional love. I am begining to see that I can learn more from my children then I can from any book or any person. As they are running around the playground, at this very moment, I am learning that the only thing that matters to them is "the moment". Children do not care what others think. Children do not worry about what tomorrow brings. They only worry about now. Every minute is a new adventure to them.
So why can't adults be more "like" children? Yes, we do have responsibilities and adult things we must do in order to survive and function in this world. Yet we also need to step back and breathe. Take in every moment. Every second. My children are my insperation for this journey. Children take their time and use every bit of it. We on the other hand waste our time, our lives, on meaningless things. We don't use our moments wisely. We dwell on things to come. Stress over elements we can not control. We even stress about others stress.
There is no promised time. I am writing now but at any second my time could be up. Just like that. Gone.
I want to learn to savor every moment. Both the good and the bad. I want to take the time to breathe. To listen to myself. To hear my own heartbeat. To just slow it down.
I want to learn to love unconditionaly as children do. Make every moment in life matter as children do.
I believe that we tend to put the things that dont matter above the things that do matter. Does it really matter if some one has a negative opinion about you? Does it really matter if someone cuts you off on the road? The list can go on and on.
I have made such a fuss about random, stupid moments in my life. Moments that don't matter. Moments I will never get back.
Last week someone had passed me in a turning lane at a red light. I put so much anger into that one small moment. I let that moment kill the remainder of my day. Was it worth it? Not at all. It DID NOT matter. But I made it matter.
We seem to take moments like that and grasp them and let them control us. We should take those moments as just that, "those moments". Those moments are building blocks.We just dont see them as that. If you view your bad moments as something to learn from and grow from you will have made that time matter. Time can not be replaced. Time should not be wasted with anger and hatred. I should have focused the anger I felt towards that driver in a different direction. His passing me did not affect anything. I still got to where I was going. I still did what I was out to do. But I made it affect my whole day. I wasted a whole day on meaningless anger.
I have always had a problem with loving people like I should. I tend to not respect people and make quick judgements about people I don't even know. The moment I was passed at that red light I hated that person. A deep hate. I felt disrespected. Taken advantage of.
The following day I had my awakening. I realized that I am selfish. Prideful. I realized I needed a change. I thought about the man who passed me. Maybe he had to get to somewhere or to someone or something that MATTERED to him. I realizied that it is no longer about me.
We can not avoid anger or negative feelings and thoughts. But we can control them. When we feel them coming on we need to evaluate them. Make sure they are worth that time. That moment of your life that you cant get back. We need to make sure it really matters.
It may sound silly and irrational but I am going to start viewing my life as I feel the way children view theirs..."I am in this moment. I am going to use every bit of this moment. When this moment is gone I will move on to the next."
Children are resilient. I can see that thru my divorce. Us adults can be too. Although it is alot more challenging it can still be achieved.
I am going to begin to evaluate my emotions before they take control.
I am going to start loving with out conditions.
I am going to view every moment as a learning point. Both good and bad.
I am going to make my life MATTER.
I will never find happiness if I don't take in everything and savor every moment. I will take now, now. And I will take later when it comes. I am teaching myself not to worry or stress because those feelings do no good. I will be more accepting of others and their emotions and beliefs.
My kids are what matters most to me. And this weekend they have taught me so much. Everything I have wrote I learned from observing and talking with my children. They have shown me a new way to feel. A new way to take all my moments and utilize them for good. They opened my eyes to a new way of thinking.
They make my life MATTER! Something I have never felt before. When we can truley learn to love ourselves and others for who they are and not what they believe, then that means everything and everyone matters. It is time we re-evaluate how we make it matter.
All the events of our life mold us into who we are at this very moment. The good and the bad. It is possible to make all moments good regardless of how bad it may be. If we just open our hearts and minds and stop being so closed off we can reach happiness despite what life throws at us. We are in control of our emotions and we need to realize that they are not in control of you.
You decide your life.
You dictate how it folds out.
You are in control of making every moment in your life matter for the good.
I am done with negativity.
It is time to savor and embrace every single moment.
Because once this moment is gone.....It doesn't come back.

Do not pursue the past.
Do not lose yourself in the future.
The past no longer is.
The future has not yet come.
Look deeply at life and how it is NOW.
Be diligent today, to wait until tomorrow is to late.
Death comes unexpectedly.